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In Curran's essay entitled " What Good Families Are Doing Right," she explains and offers some important suggestions that become guidance to a successful family. "When the family is working well, there are certain recognizable signs or symptoms," said Curran. She called these symptoms the hallmarks of the successfully communicating family. They are: The Family Exhibits a Strong Relationship between the Parents; The Family Has Control over Television, The Family Recognizes Unspoken Messages, The Family Encourages individual Feelings and Independent Thinking, The Family Recognizes Turn off Words and Put-Down phrases, The Family Interrupts, but Equally, The Family Develops a Pattern of Reconciliation, The Family Fosters Table Time and Conversation. Curran also thinks that communication is an important part in a family relationship, but it isn't always easy to have an honest communication. I believe that these are good symptoms to show the qualities of a healthy family.
I agree on one of Curran's hallmarks—The Family Listens and Responds. I have experienced this "Symptom" that lead to my healthy family. I remembered at a young age I lived with other family members in a foreign country. I have been separated from my parents for nearly six years living with my Aunt Lily in California. She doesn't have a family of her own because she is still single. There are no other family members living with us, just my Aunt Lily and me. The house seem to be too quiet and lonely and we have lived as two separate life style; she goes to work and I go to school; at home we have cooked our own dinner separately and do our own separate activities. I can hardly remember when we had a real conversation with each other; moreover I don't really experience a healthy family while living with her. Living apart from my family is hard enough as an individual. At first there were personal feelings and loneliness created, feelings that I couldn't find anyone to share with or problems that I couldn't find someone to help me solve. A "family" was definitely missing in my life. I needed someone to listen to my feelings or respond to my problems, I need someone who cared. But living with Aunt Lily doesn't provide this part in my life because she is too busy of living her life. My relationship with her decreased as time passed by and it certainly felt like living with a stranger under the same roof.
Even though, I lived far away from my real family, we still have a strong, caring family relationship that is connected between us. For all these years, they have listened and responded through letters and phone calls, especially my mother. She called me once or twice a month to see how I was doing and if I needed anything. She actually took time to listen to my personal feelings, unhappiness or problems. Unlike Aunt Lily, even if she was busy, my mother would make time for me. She listened, responded and gave me advice. When I failed a test or any personal failures, she encouraged me and told me not to give up. I will eventually overcome my obstacles, which I can improve and become a better person in dealing with life. When I told her that I am not confident, she gave me strength to built up my confidence and said to have faith in myself. She has become my role model every day in my life. Our communication continues to grow stronger each year by phoning and writing to each other. She actually fulfilled the emptiness in my life-- a family life that I missed having.
Family who really listens to one another and communicates means that they do really care for each other and this is how a healthy family builds up their relationships. Even though I am not physically living with my real family but mentally, I still can have a healthy family relationship. "Family" is really important but the most important ideal is to learn how to create and maintain a healthy family. One way is by reading Curran's nine hallmarks in creating a healthy family.
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