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Are jealousy and possessiveness linked to love naturally or does it have to do with our culture? Eighty percent of jealousy comes within each person; every human being has a little bit of this characteristic in his or her personality. Some people reflect it more than others do; some others let it rule his or her life. The fact or the matter is that all human beings are jealous, even God was a jealous person. Our own parents are definitely very jealous; so yes, we find jealousy commonly in our lives, but is it necessary to live surrounded by jealousy? The remaining twenty percent comes from our culture and the way we had been raised. Different cultures have other perceptions; for this reason, jealousy can be hidden, ignored or not experienced at all depending on the lifestyle of each individual.

Possessiveness and jealousy are unfortunately linked together. An individual who happens to be jealous becomes possessive. The idea of ownership of another human spirit goes against the principles of truth. Possession is a form of domination and control. The possessor manipulates others for his own purposes. When we truly love someone, we can never consider confining him or her to a cage. One who loves respects the uniqueness of the other. We must accept others exactly the way they are, without possessing, giving our partner the right of free will choice over his or her own actions. In mature relationships, individuals don not own each other!

In any relationship, one partner has had jealousy as an issue and the other member has not. This phenomenon happens due to the high level of insecurity within the relationship. These insecurities not necessarily were within us, but rather came form past experiences and from imagined fear of potential pain in this new relationship. Insecurities can arise from relationships that we have witnessed other than our own. When in any relationship jealousy reaches its peak point, it becomes suffocating due to the lack of freedom that is available. As human beings through years, we have been fighting for it. The worst thing that can be done to anyone is to try to take it away, so why put up with such miserable lifestyle?

As read in the play “Flight”, being the perfect sample of excessive possessiveness. The grandfather thought he could keep something forever. He realized it absurd to force actions, it is better to let those actions flow naturally; get what is given, and never take anything forcefully. We cannot pretend that by trying to keep someone next to us we will get love in reward; love would be the last thing we will experience. After my lecture, I realized why we would want to own a person. Why want to have someone next to us obligated? The most beautiful thing in this world is to have that someone who loves us for who we are. Such person will stay next to us because of his or her own will, not obligated! Eventually she or he will stay because he/she is in love or simply loves us but soon this feeling will end because no one likes to feel trapped inside of someone else’s mind. What I mean with this expression is that we cannot be under control; it is harmful to let one mind be on top of us constantly wanting to know everything. Jealousy will lead to a high level of possessiveness, and the above written is an example of it. When analyzing possessiveness we can get to the conclusion that this is no more than insecurity. When we feel insecure, we need to grab onto someone; however, this does not mean it will make our insecurities go away, we can become obsessive and this obsession can destroy our relationship.

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Trust is vital to love; it is the essential ingredient to have a healthy relationship, free of jealousy and insecurities. True love can never be taken it can only be given we never own another. Love and possessiveness are not linked to love naturally. It is more about our experiences, what we have lived through can rule in our future live.

The purpose of a relationship is to love and trust, trust and be trusted as well. As possessiveness can be corrosive for the heart, it can be devastating to relationships in general. When jealousy issues come up in our relationships it is necessary to take some time and determine the real issue. It is suggested to get clear about our feeling and then communicate them to our partner. This problem should be worked through until it is resolved. Any issue in a relationship is necessary to be talked about without judgment or blame.

Low self-esteem creates insecurity; jealousy, possessiveness, the need to be special, fear of abandonment, the need for a special partner to commit to us, need of a partner to commit to be with us only. The demon of possessiveness can be overcome through self- love. Our relationships with others can only be healthy if we are healthy we ourselves. Until we have our own healthy self how can we hope to co-create? If we love someone set them free, to be capable of this we have to love ourselves equally to first set ourselves free. “Love is the only thing that is real all else is just an illusion.”

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